Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
