sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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