someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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