i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
