Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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