what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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