I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
There's even glitter on my cock...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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