living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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