Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
