i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
