He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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