I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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