We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
