There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
