Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
