your thong is hanging out like whoa
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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