I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I want to walk on stilts...naked
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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