i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
