seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
