Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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