I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
