she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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