ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
