I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm passing your future prison.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
