So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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