Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
