Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
