i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
