I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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