oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
