i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
