Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
