toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
