Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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