I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
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