my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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