Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
