for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Never underestimate the power of titties
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