how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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