Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
