I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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