Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
