WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
