I bet he comes in French.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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