i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
