What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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