If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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