Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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