I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
