If i come over, it means nothing
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Randomize
