Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Randomize