I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
