he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
