Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize