i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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