ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
