im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
