P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just found puke in my bra..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
