Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
