You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
