Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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