This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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