So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
