She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
