Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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