I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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