she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
