Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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