Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
