I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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