Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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