Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
