I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
