I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
