Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
