sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
