Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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