Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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