I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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